the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
