I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
