and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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