That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
