I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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