yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
