I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
