have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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