im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
