You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
