I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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