hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
