you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize