I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that š I went with "no"
You canāt homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Iād clean the kitchen before making food. Mark ārang in the New Yearā with some rando in there last night
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