It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
