Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
