You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
kristin has been a bad kristin
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
