i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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