How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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