Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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