If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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