I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
