My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
