Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
