Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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