You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
