How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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