i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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