Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
only you would photoshop your dick
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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