I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize