How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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