I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
