There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
