I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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