how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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