Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
