he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
