if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
