I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
