I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
