I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
