The maid of honor just puked.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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