just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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