i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
