so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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