Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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