Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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