I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
