I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
