did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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