i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
