i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you had me at cake vodka
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
