Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
