I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
