New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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