i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
