I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
