i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
