Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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