morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
