This girl is more easily done than said...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
