Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
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Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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