69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
